I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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