I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
