i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
