when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
