Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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