you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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