Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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