Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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