I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
