i may or may not be watching the land before time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
