Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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