so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this just has baby written all over it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
