dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
