I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
