the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
