Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sext me about skeletons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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