he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I would fuck him just for his dog
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
