Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
