I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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