"it" just moved
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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