Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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