If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
