shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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