We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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