I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
