Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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