I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
