Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
