He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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