i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
