I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
