Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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