it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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