so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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