Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
