Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
