He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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