i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
