Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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