Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
