She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's like iHOP with fire
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
