I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
