no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You were trust falling into bushes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize