You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
