he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
