it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
