Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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