I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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