If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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