apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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