morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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